The Heartbreak It Brings

The more time I have to sit around and think, the more I realize the heartache caused by the month of August. For some reason, it feels like everything bad that happens in Eufaula, happens in August. I use to love the month of August- it meant my birthday and starting school! The last time I looked forward to August was in 2002.

When I started my freshman year at Eufaula High School, I never imagined how different my life would be that same time the next year. As most of you know, I lost my dad on August 26th of that year. Who would have thought, that in the prime of his life, he would have been taken away? Not me. I can still picture him as he and Mama drove Laura and me to Wildcats practice that Monday night. They dropped us off, and I said I love you. That was the last time I saw my Daddy. The days following his death seem like a blur. What I do remember, is the outpouring of love and support my family received from our community. The line that filed through the Fellowship Hall of First Baptist Church at my dad's visitation proved he made an impact in not just my life but in the lives of so many people that he met across the years.

"Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed. Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am so glad that you gave. One by one they came, far as the eye could see. Each life somehow touched by your generosity. Little things that you had done, sacrifices that you had made. They were unnoticed on this Earth, in heaven now proclaimed."

It's hard to believe that was almost eight years ago. Wow, the time has flown. Since then, I have graduated high school, graduated college, started law school, and sadly buried someone else I love. On August 28, 2007, we buried my boyfriend, my love Tylor. This was five years to the day we buried my Dad. It took me a long time to come to terms with Tylor's death. I lived with the reality that Tylor was in Troy to see me; however, I eventually grasped the idea that God has a plan for each person- when God wants you home, it's on his terms.

"And I'll praise You in this storm, and I will lift my hands, for You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried, you hold in your hand, you've never left my side, and though my heart is torn, I will praise you in this storm."

Having my heart broken once was devastating, having it broken twice was unthinkable. I found a strength that I did not know I possessed in the wake of my loses. God never gives a person more than they can handle. Sometimes, I seriously questioned if he had given me too much. The month of August brings anew all of the old memories, a painful past.

"When we've been here ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise than when we first begun."

On two very hot August days, five years apart, I watched two men that forever changed my life be laid to rest. Today, I was reminded that another great man lost his life in August- August 16, 1982 to be exact. I can honestly say, although I never knew him, I would not be here if it were not for him- my Mama's dad, Granddaddy Jack. I carry all three of them in my heart everyday; afterall, it was him after whom I was named. It gives me peace of sorts to know that I have an army of guardian angels watching over me everyday. Regardless of the amount of time that passes, I do not think one August will ever come and go without breaking my heart. I make it my goal to celebrate the lives of these great men, but I always wonder how different life could have been.

"It ain't fair, you died too young. Like a story that had just begun, the death tore all the pages away. God knows how I miss you, all the hell that I've been through. Just knowing no one could take your place, I wonder who you'd be today."