A Servant's Heart

Growing up in a church, I recall frequently hearing the phrase "a servant's heart."  Honestly, I never quite understood what the preacher meant when he put an emphasis on having a servant's heart.  In fact, it was not until I began reading Lady In Waiting that this whole notion came in perspective for me.


Philippians 2:3-5 says:
     "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus."


On the surface, having the heart of a servant seems to be a simple enough concept; however, after reading more into the subject, I realized it is much more complex than I initially thought.  Having a servant's heart encompasses more than doing work for others.  Having a servant's heart focuses not just on the actions you perform, but also on your attitude while performing them.


It was the last part of that which threw me for a loop.  I always thought that as long as I was doing actions as a service for others, I was doing good in the eyes of the Lord.  I love doing for others, but I quickly realized that my intentions were not always the best.  In too many situations, I had ulterior motives for my actions.


My underlying intentions often led to disappointment and heartache.  God intends for us to have a servant's  heart when giving to others so that we can avoid this type of disappointment and heartache.  A servant's heart means your intentions are completely pure.  You do not expect anything in return --> not even secretly, not even a little bit.


While reading Lady in Waiting, I realized what a big problem pure intentions were in general, but especially for women.  Women have the natural tendency to assume the role of caregiver.  I, personally, assume the role of caregiver easily and often.  Anyone that knows me would attest to this fact.  In the past, I have played the caregiver, or mother, role with the intentions of winning the attention and affections of a male.


Let's face it, ladies, guys usually do not look past the face value of an action!  While they may seem appreciative or thankful, their gratitude should not be mistaken for affection or a sign of their undying love.  A female allowing herself to misinterpret a man's gratitude can set her up for disaster.  In the same way, however, a man may misinterpret the friendship of a woman and this could ultimately lead to heartbreak for him.


Having pure intentions are part of having a servant's heart.  Having pure intentions safeguards your heart.  As one step in the right direction toward having a servant's heart, I have begun praying about my actions, even if it is an action as simple as sending a text message.  I just need assurance that both the recipient, and I understand the context of the situation and/ or of the communication.  I have seen that performing an action with a servant's heart makes you closer to the greatest prize of all- the heart of God. 

From Heartbreak to Healing

Everyday, everywhere millions of people experience some type of heartbreak.  It could be as simple as making a bad grade in school.  It could be as complex as losing a loved one.  With every heartbreak comes a new set of possibly life-changing circumstances.

In my life, I have experienced heartbreak in many forms on many separate occasions.  For a long time, I looked for comfort in worldly activities.   For nine years, I experienced reoccurring heartbreak.  The death of my dad forever changed my young life.  I held numerous positions in school organizations and community activities that gave me ample opportunity to be a positive leader and great Christian influence.  I severely neglected the opportunities I was given.

I believed that the deck of cards life dealt me simply was not fair, and I could do basically whatever I wanted to.  That mentality did not bring joy and happiness.  That mentality brought pain and sorrow.  Instead of being a positive influence on those around me during high school, I displayed a mediocre attitude.  While I did not necessarily encourage others to partake in negative, sinful activities, I did not witness or lead by faith.

When I left for college, I was given a new territory for witnessing.  Once again, God threw me a curveball.  At the beginning of my sophomore year at Auburn, I lost my boyfriend, my best friend.  I dealt with the pain and guilt of Tylor’s death for a long time.  In fact, until very recently, I do not think I properly grieved.  I avoided it, seeking a refuge in all of my school activities and worldly activities.

Over the course of the past nine years, I have continuously been told that I was strong.  I did stand strong, but it was not strong on the rock of my faith.  I stood strong by dealing with my issues in my own way.  My method of dealing with issues often caused confrontations between those that I love the most and myself.  My method of dealing with issues (avoidance) caused me to be incapable of maintaining a functional dating relationship.

I came to the realization that without some major change, I did not know what direction to take in life.  A very wise friend reminded me that nothing on this earth would be able to feel the emptiness I felt in my heart, that void could be filled with the love of Jesus alone.  That friend had faith in me.  More importantly, I trusted him, because his unwavering faith is evident in his everyday life.

For the past nine years, I have struggled to hang onto my sanity during the month of August.  This year, I am ready to conquer August.  I am ready to face the heartbreak of my past with the promise of my future.  I am ready to make a significant change in my life.  I continue to work through my heartbreaks, but this time, I will face them with the everlasting love of God in my heart and with His strong arms wrapped around me.